By Ryan Ketelhut
Mullet mania is a part of the past–and it should stay that way. Over the last few years the world has seen a comeback of sorts on heads across the nation. The traditional mullet has transformed into a modern version of itself with less hairspray and more perm. Due to its lack of functionality day to day, tedious upkeep and outdatedness, the hairstyle should be laid to rest.
Waking up in the morning should be comfortable and should not take more than an hour for most. The added step of styling a mullet to look correct can take upward of fifteen minutes by which point most would give up and put on a hat. Low-maintenance hair after a long morning is ideal, especially if all it takes is wetting it a few times and running a comb through it.
Periodic trips to see a hairdresser can be anxiety-inducing enough as it is without the added stress of remembering what style of mullet you had that one time. Wolf cut? Middle part, short in the front, but party in the back with a fade?
The possibilities are endless and there is always a chance it will turn out different every time unless you have a hairdresser appointment booked a few times a month. These days most Americans can agree that the first thought that comes to their heads when they think of a mullet is the 80s. The good days when 11-year-olds could pick up cigarettes for their moms on the walk back from school and the color palette of choice was various shades of brown. The hairstyle is simply outdated and should be left behind as a part of 20th century history. Besides, remakes are never as good as the original in any capacity.
The minimalist aesthetics of the 2020s does not require anyone to do too much. Less is always more nowadays and hair is not an exception. In a few years, the mullet mania will die out along with skinny jeans, chevron and any other fad.
Please, I beg of you, stop clinging to the past. No one wants to attend that party in the back–it’s a pathetic admission that you are either stuck in the past or desperately trying to grab onto the latest trend. We are not laughing with you, we are laughing at you… and at your mullet.
By Lance Hooper
Holy Christmas came too early Batman, the mullet is back again or did it really ever leave? The ole Mississippi Mudflap might have been in a mini hibernation, but the mullet is back with more business in the front and lots more party in the back. Just in case you have been hiding under a rock, the mullet is one of the more versatile hairstyles, and when it comes back, it does it with style.
Throughout the years, the mullet has made many iconic fashion statements, but it got its name and start from French fashion icon Henri Mollet in the early 70s. Apart from the French underground dance scene, the hairstyle didn’t gain any traction until Ric Ocasek, David Bowie and Rod Stewert made it their own, and by that time it was resurrected as the mullet.
The hairstyle has been recorded as far back as the 6th century B.C.E. on Greek statues, which proves mullets were at the inception of western culture. It was known to the Greeks as the “Theseus cut.” Ancient Roman chariot racers rocked the mullet as well. The mullet may have a long history, but it has a tenacious nature because it continues to resurface to this day.
The funniest thing about this hairstyle, it comes in more than 31 flavors. It has many layers to its appeal along with many nicknames. Some of the funny and ironic nicknames for the mullet are the Kentucky Waterfall, the Cameo Cut, the Beaver Paddle (no beavers involved), the Ape Drape, the Redneck Warmer, the Mississippi Mudflap, the Skullet and the Canadian Passport.
The mullet has had many resurrections, but no one can talk about mullets without referencing probably the most iconic mullet of all time, “The Billy Ray,” made famous by Billy Ray Cyrus with his debut hit single “Achy Breaky Heart.” Not only was the song very popular, it spotlighted the mullet more than ever. You might know Billy Ray’s daughter Miley Cyrus, but before Miley, her dad made it big with his hit song and his mullet. He went full Rocky Top Tennessee with a short slicked back front, that went full Mississippi River in the back with 18 inches of length that hit his waist. It slung from side to side, like all the Bic lighters being held up at his concerts, swaying as he sang “Don’t break my heart, my achy breaky heart.” The mullet soon hibernated after that, but how do you top good ole Rocky Top Tennessee and Billy Ray Cyrus?
Sports icons and rock stars seem to be drawn to the hairstyle because it has a presence. It makes a statement: “I drink tiger blood and I’m here to win.” David Beckham gave us the soccer mohawk mullet. Hockey players have rocked the Canadian Passport since the first puck hit the Ice. It is a hockey right of passage. Toronto Maple Leafs, Mikail Grabovski, and Patrick Kane serve up some serious mullet realness. Ric Ocasek from the 80s rock band The Cars gave the hairstyle his own grunge rock emo vibe.
Blake Shelton gave it a go for a while and won a couple of Country Music Awards while rocking the look. The best baseball mullet goes to Charlie Blackmon for his inspiration to little league teams across America. Elton John even royally rocked the locks in the 90s, sporting a red North Beach Leather ensemble. The mullet will never die because it comes in so many flavors. Just when you think it can’t be outdone, the mullet peels back another layer, history is made once again, and a red carpet is taken over. An album cover is blessed. A fashion settlement has been reached, and we the people get to keep the mullet. One thing is for sure with the mullet, you see the business coming, but the party is the reason to stick around. There just isn’t a more iconic hairstyle that continues to resurface better and better every time.
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