Black Friday farce falls flat 

On Nov. 8, in the year of our Lord 2023, Walmart inundated the masses with their supposed deals under the guise of Black Friday.  What used to be a celebrated brick and mortar blood sport for the tenacious bargain warriors has become nothing more than a premature, milquetoast Cyber Monday. 

Gladiators braving the cold waits and hot tempers of their brethren have been replaced by casual couch potatoes leisurely perusing the innerwebs and happening across a middling markdown. 

There is no longer a point to having named delineated days when the whole affair has become an annual autumnal abomination of hokey holiday hooliganism beginning as soon as temperatures drop below 80 degrees.

Black Friday is no different from Cyber Monday, and both have been rendered misnomers as they have melded into a corporate conglomeration celebrating consumerism that lasts for months. 

Amidst the hustle and bustle of limited time offers and flash deals, Thanksgiving is on the verge of being eradicated by corporate terminators whose mission is to seek out and destroy any holiday that stands between Christmas and world domination.  

With Thanksgiving being reduced to a fraction of its former power, nothing stands between the onslaught of advertising screaming at the populace to do their holiday shopping now or they’ll ruin Christmas for everyone and make baby Jesus cry.

This farcical facade of concern for the consumer is a pernicious pandering ploy playing on the pressure to have holiday plans signed, sealed and delivered in preceding July. In reality, the weeks that lie between Halloween and Thanksgiving were meant to be the calm before the storm of all the humbugging winter holidays.

A cessation of the borderline biblical flood of festive foolishness is necessary to protect the miniscule minutia of sincerity scarcely remaining in the traditional celebrations of the season. 

For the love of all that is good and holy, keep true to the spirit of the season. Remain strong against the unceasing pressure to torpedo your savings account in the pursuit of happy holidays.