Empty seats, prime parking spots, undivided attention from instructors — three of the many perks the spring semester has to offer for those who still are managing to attend class regularly. Students have taken the term “spring cleaning” to a whole new level this semester by no longer showing up to class—what a novel idea.
We, the students who still show up to class, would like to take a moment to thank those of you who gave up long ago for these perks. In the fall semester, classes tend to be full of students ready to learn, which makes parking difficult, seeing the whiteboard a challenge and obtaining the professor’s attention a daunting task. The spring semester not only brings warmer weather (sometimes — it is Amarillo) but an abundance of open parking spots, a perfect view of the whiteboard and one-on-one attention from professors.
It’s all thanks to the students who gave into their complete lack of drive and decided, “Why even come?” We appreciate your decision that you are better off staying in bed so your head no longer blocks our view of the projector. We are grateful that you are not sleeping in class to later find you cannot learn by osmosis and not taking away the professor’s time by sharing your irrelevant opinions with the entire class.
We are relieved to no longer have to scour the parking lots for an open spot and to be able to glide into nearly any spot of our liking. In deciding to stop showing up altogether, it is likely you will lose your financial aid, cause your GPA to plummet, waste money on tuition for classes you won’t get credit for and generally make your life spiral downward; but hey, we, the students who still show up, appreciate you.
You know that you don’t want to complete your work or waste anyone’s time, and you decided to take the necessary actions to reflect your nonexistent drive.
Congrats; you know what you want in life. We thank you for the parking, added attention and seating of our choice. It rules. Thank you for taking spring cleaning to a whole new level entirely by cleaning yourself from the classrooms and from responsibility. We are grateful. Thanks for the perks.