By Luke Balderaz:
Have you ever had to give a Christmas gift to someone you absolutely can’t stand? Maybe it’s a co-worker, maybe it’s a family member or maybe it’s a friend of a friend in your secret Santa group. Do you struggle with finding something for them? Something that passive aggressively shows your contempt? Well, I have some ideas for you.
How about giving a pet? As the owner of a 6-month-old puppy let me tell you they are monsters. Yes, they’re cute and loving and they will be your best friend for years but they will also chew on your things, get things out of the trash and pee everywhere. Not to mention the veterinarian bills and the cost of food, toys and everything else a new puppy needs. Now the issue with something like a puppy is that most dogs will grow out of their bad behavior if they’re trained. If you want to really make your gift recipient suffer, then you will need something different. Maybe that something is a parrot.
A parrot is the perfect pet if you want to be the slave of a bird for the rest of your life. Most parrots live to be well over 80-years-old and their mental capacity and emotions stay at the level of a toddler. They also have the ability to potentially implicate you of a crime. If you want that special someone in your life to lose sleep, clean up all sorts of messes and live with the equivalence of a tape recorder attached to a megaphone, then I encourage you to give a parrot.
Are pets a bit too expensive for you? Why not get something cheaper then. I recommend going to a dollar store and looking around. Maybe you can put together a nice basket of $1 steaks and Np. 2 pencils for them. Other cheap alternatives include bargain bin DVD’s, empty gift cards or maybe a self-portrait in crayon. You could also take half of the gift. Who needs a whole pack of razors? Feel free to open them up and take a few. A crossword puzzle book? No one can finish that entire thing, you should help them out.
If you put your mind to it then you can find the perfect crappy gift for your horrible associate. Get creative and give someone a very memorable Christmas.